You need not be a nerd who hangs
out every Friday night at the comic book store to have heard of Dr. Bruce
Banner.
One version of his story goes
like this: Dr. Banner was a researcher whose personal tragedies made him
interested in anger, particularly the physiological phenomena associated with
anger.
Anyway, during his research Dr.
Banner was involved in an accident involving Gamma Rays and soon thereafter,
whenever he became angry, he changed into a huge, green-skinned creature
capable of tearing through doors and trouncing the toughest thugs. Dr. Banner
became the Incredible Hulk. Of course, this was science fiction and they never
tried to answer all the questions the story raised. Questions like, Why didn't
anyone ever notice the Hulk was wearing Dr. Banner's shirt, tattered though it
might have been? Questions like, How did the unemployed Dr. Banner afford to
replace all those shoes?
The Incredible Hulk, a TV program on from 1978-1982, had its tongue-in-cheek
moments. The opening showed the usually mild Dr. Banner telling a nosy reporter
from a tabloid, "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm
angry."
One reason this character from
the Marvel universe is so interesting is that many of us know a lot of people we
don't like when they're angry. Sometimes we don't like ourselves when we’re
angry. You see, each of us has a little of the Hulk within.
Like Dr. Banner, we Christians
want to know more about anger, especially about controlling anger.
Several years ago I examined
what the Bible said about anger and concluded the Bible pictures two broad
categories of anger: Loving Anger and Loveless Anger.
More recently, I've had the
occasion to look at what some psychologists have to say about anger. I found it
interesting that some of them also divide anger into two broad categories:
Aggressive Anger and Assertive Anger. And, although they don't use the same
terminology, what they have to say in describing these two types of anger is
roughly parallel to what the Bible has to say about what I've called Loving and
Loveless Anger. In fact, you might be surprised at some of the areas of
agreement. Let me point out just two:
• Both the Bible and the
psychologists say that anger has a proper place in our lives.
• Both the Bible and the
psychologists warn that anger, even appropriate anger, can degenerate into
something destructive and unhealthy.
Of course, there are some major
areas of disagreement. That becomes obvious as you examine the details of what
both have to say. Remember that whether you're looking at the Bible or a field
of study such as psychology, there is danger in just giving the material a
cursory examination. For example, for a while "pop psychologists” warned that
keeping anger bottled up inside was dangerous; they recommended letting it all
out in emotional explosions. This, of course, is contrary to what the Bible
says about avoiding "rage." More recently psychologists have begun to
say that such emotional outbursts are actually unhealthy.
We live in an angry time. Just
as I sat down to prepare this posting I heard about a woman in Cleveland who
pointed a gun at the barber she thought was taking too much time to cut her
son’s hair. Fortunately no one was hurt,
at least physically. Her seven-year-old
son did, however, see mom’s actions and may have learned this is how you should
handle situations you don’t like.
Stories about out-of-control anger seem to be everywhere. We are a culture needing help with our anger.
So I want us to take a look at
what Paul has to say in this passage (Ephesians 4:26-27, 31-32) about anger.
Later, we will look at some other passages on the subject.
As we examine the text we'll
discover that, with God's help, anger may be right rather than wrong. Since
there is so much confusion on the subject, we need to begin by seeing that
there is. . .
A PLACE FOR LOVING ANGER
Paul's words come very close to
being a mandate-"Be angry.... " He seems to be saying that it's never
right to sin, but it's often right to feel angry. Commenting on the verse, John
Stott writes, " ... the verse recognizes that there is such a thing as
Christian anger and too few Christians either feel it or express it. Indeed,
when we fail to do so, we deny God damage ourselves and encourage the spread of
evil.“
Such anger is a reflection of
love-love for God, love for others, and love for ourselves. The element of a
proper self-love is essential to this understanding of anger; it is reflected
in Les Carter's definition of anger:
'Anger is the
emotional response that is tied to one's psychological sense of self-preservation.
Anger involves standing up for one's sense of convictions and one's sense of
self-worth. When an individual feels angry he is being an advocate for himself
and his beliefs. (Les Carter, Mind Over
Emotions, Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1985, p. 14.)
Such anger is never simply a
matter of self-love. Carter goes on to say that an individual expressing such
anger "is attempting to make a stand for his personal convictions or
self-worth while at the same time considering the needs of other persons
involved." (Carter, p. 6)
Loving anger as an expression of
love for ourselves can manifest itself in a variety of ways:
• It may be reflected in the
public statement of our beliefs and opinions. For Christians this is important
to remember. In Galatians we can imagine the fire in Paul's eyes as he writes
to defend the truth of the gospel.
• It may be reflected in saying
no when necessary.
• It may be reflected in setting
boundaries.
• It may be reflected in openly
seeking to clarify issues.
• It may be reflected as we
insist upon our rights when necessary.
Some of you may be concerned
about this talk about self-love. You've been taught there is no room for it in
the Christian's life. I think that's a misunderstanding of the Scripture. There
is a difference between self-love and self-centeredness. If we don't care
enough about ourselves to respond with anger to injustices done to us, I doubt
if we will ever care enough about others to respond with anger to injustices
done to them.
Loving anger expressed as love
for God and others may also be manifested in a variety of ways.
This is true because loving
anger fuels the heroic impulse to take a stand against evil. This is seen in
the lives of many great Christians who made a impact on their cultures. Harriet
Beecher Stowe's anger at slavery prompted her to write passionately against the
wicked practice. Catherine Booth's anger at the poverty of London's
slum-dwellers led her to work tirelessly beside her husband, William, as they
built a Salvation Army. Dietrich Bonhoeffer's anger at the injustice of the
Nazi regime caused him to crusade against Hitler.
We could multiply examples, but
the greatest model of loving anger was our Lord.
Jesus reminds us to be angry
when people are exploited-especially in the name of religion. Imagine him
kicking over the tables of the money-changers in the temple while brandishing
his makeshift whip (John 2:13-17). Jesus reminds us to be angry when genuine
human need is ignored. In Mark 3 Jesus is vexed at those who opposed healing a
disabled man just because it was the Sabbath. Jesus reminds us to be angry at
the mistreatment of the weak and powerless. In Mark 10:14 he becomes indignant
with his own disciples as they try to keep children from coming to him. Jesus
reminds us to be angry at the devastation cause by false religion. In Matthew
18 Jesus used vivid language to describe the fate of those who would lead trusting
children astray.
Loving anger allows us to focus
our energy on defeating injustice and doing good.
In fact, it often enables people
to accomplish more than seems humanly possible. When Harriet Beecher Stowe-who
openly acknowledged God's guidance in her work--visited Lincoln in 1862, the
President is said to have greeted her: "So this is the little lady who
wrote the book that made the big war.”
Loving anger can accomplish much
that is good, but we have to keep in mind that loving anger can easily
degenerate into a less noble attitude or emotion. So, as we consider the place
for loving anger, we also have to consider ...
THE PERIL OF LOVELESS ANGER
While Christian love allows us
to be properly concerned about our own needs, it is never focused only on our
needs. When something happens and we become focused only on our needs, love is
corrupted. Loving anger becomes loveless anger. When this happens, our focus
becomes meeting our own needs, gaining superiority over others, retaliation for
offenses real and imagined.
Whereas loving anger stresses
the need for an open, honest acknowledgment of our feelings, loveless anger
often does its work under a the guise of living above such emotions as anger.
Once again, Les Carter helps us understand what is curiously described as
"passive aggressive behavior."
Carter writes:
This type of
aggressive anger is the most subtle and perhaps the most difficult to handle.
The individual is very slyly communicating anger while not 'owning up' to it.
Behaviors in this category include the silent treatment, holding grudges,
social withdrawal, deliberate ignoring, cold and icy glares, laziness,
procrastination, giving half-hearted efforts, chronic forgetfulness, and
chronic tardiness. (Carter, p. 16)
Paul seems to recognize how
loveless anger can manifest itself in a variety of ugly ways.
• He warns against
"brawling." The word suggests making sure everyone knows the reason
for your anger. The brawler gives everyone standing at the coffee machine a
detailed indictment against the person who has inspired his or her wrath.
• He warns against "slander.”
Our word slander has a somewhat narrower meaning. But here it means any form of
speaking against another person. The Amplified Bible translates it as
"evilspeaking, abusive or blasphemous language." Slanderers may
engage in put-downs, gossip, and sarcasm directed at someone who has angered
them. Sometimes slanderers may spread outright lies or innuendoes about the
object of their anger.
We've all known such people.
Sometimes we have behaved in this way.
Loveless anger, however it is
manifested, brings with it some inherent perils. Paul lists some of them in
this passage.
It's important to note how Paul
begins this discussion. He warns that anger can give Satan a foothold. In other
words, Paul is warning us that such anger can become the beachhead from which
Satan may mount an assault on the rest of our lives.
How does this happen?
Loveless anger may lead you to
loveless words and actions. An angry spirit will often recruit the tongue for
its work. You might not strike out with a clenched fist but you might strike
out with callous words. We've all known those whose anger finds expression in
cursing, shouting, screaming, and name-calling. Sometimes such persons give
vent to their anger by throwing things or even physical assault. We wonder if
Paul knew people who were too dangerous to be allowed to drive a chariot when
they were angry.
In verse 31 Paul uses words
which embrace most of these behaviors.
• He warns against "every
form of malice." These words imply doing whatever you can to hurt another
person. Such anger is displayed in a variety of venues such as the home, the
workplace, and the roads you drive on.
Some studies report "an epidemic of family violence in the US,"
reminding us that such malice may involve physical violence. Of course, we’ve
all seen stories of workplace violence.
Some of us have witnessed the road rage that makes some drivers
dangerous.
Paul understood that loveless
anger has the power to destroy relationships. The word translated
"wrath" focuses attention on damage done to a relationship.
"Bitterness" speaks of anger allowed to grow old. It speaks of a
resentful spirit that continually refuses to be reconciled. At the church I
served in Texas there were two brothers who had grown up in the community. They
had a third brother who was angry with both of them. This brother had not
spoken to them in decades even though they lived less than twenty miles apart.
Paul understood that loveless
anger was ultimately harmful to the angry person. In fact the Bible tells us
that rage and anger are self-destructive.
As Job said, "the fool is
destroyed by his own angry passions. "(5:2) A few years ago an article in US News and. World Report pointed out
that grumpy old men may be fun in the movies but in real life they are
time-bombs waiting to self-destruct. The report states, "In the grumpiest
men, the guys who often feel like swearing and smashing things, anger more than
tripled the risk of nonfatal heart attacks and fatal coronary heart disease....
"
In Proverbs we are told that
anger blunts our ability to make rational decisions because 'a quick-tempered
man does foolish things." (14:17)
Finally, loveless anger can
destroy those things that are most precious to you.
Recall the destructive power of
raging flood waters when you read “starting a quarrel is like breaching a
dam...."(Proverbs 17:14) It can harm your relationship with God, mar your
life in the church, and spoil the harmony in your family.
With all this in mind, how do we
deal with loveless anger without denying ourselves the right to loving anger? Let
me suggest. . .
A PRESCRIPTION FOR BALANCED
ANGER
1. Deal with any of your
emotions with the recognition that your entire personality should be submitted
to Christ.
Be open to allow Christ to
shape, mold, and transform you. When we open ourselves to his work Christ
begins to develop the spirit of meekness or gentleness in us. The biblical word
"meek" (praus) is so often misunderstood. It is not a synonym for
wimp. It implies power under control. William Barclay explains the meaning of
the Greek term: "The man who is praus is the man who is always angry at
the right time and never angry at the wrong time."
2. Deal with your anger by
owning your feelings.
Acknowledge that you are
sometimes angry. For some reason, Christians often try to deny that anger is
part of their lives. With red faces and steam drifting out their ears, they
say, "I'm not mad, only hurt." Maybe we deny our anger because we’ve
been taught all anger is bad. That simply not true. There is a proper place for
anger in our lives. It keeps US from becoming doormats and victims. Because it
is rooted in a healthy self-love it may be called loving anger.
At the same time, we have to
acknowledge that sometimes our loving anger becomes distorted. It becomes
loveless anger.
By honestly owning our anger we
can seek God's wisdom in expressing our loving anger and seek God's grace in
expelling our loveless anger.
3. Deal with your anger swiftly.
When Paul warns against letting
the sun go down on our wrath he is not saying that if you get angry at the
crack of dawn it's okay to fume until sunset. He is warning against allowing
our anger to simmer, warning us against letting our anger turn gray. He is
warning against cherishing our grudges.
I suspect it's even dangerous to
allow loving anger to go unresolved for too long. Paul is certainly saying we
must keep a watchful eye on any type of anger. Unless we are very careful even
loving anger can lose its focus and become something ugly. Perhaps this is why
so many who may have begun with an honest attempt to defend cherished Christian
doctrine against heresy have fallen prey to a lifestyle of carping criticism
and name-calling.
4. Realize that dealing with
anger involves a spiritual pilgrimage.
Loving anger calls for action.
Loving anger might lead you to a redemptive confrontation with another person.
It may lead you to march in a protest. It may prompt you to write a letter. It
may lead you to run for office or join a group of like-minded men and women.
When we are confronted with such challenges we need God's help in deciding what
to do.
Along the way this pilgrimage
may lead us to a better understanding of ourselves, our needs, our weakness,
our fears, our pride. This pilgrimage may lead us to a deeper understanding of
forgiveness, especially forgiveness directed toward those who have inspired our
anger. This pilgrimage may inspire new depths of compassion within us. Paul
even dares to suggest that we might come to a place where rage is replaced with
tenderhearted understanding.
5. Seek God's wisdom in shaping
your response to loving anger.
A little girl complained to her
pastor that her older brother and his friends had built some traps to try to
catch birds. The boys planned to mistreat their captives.
"What did you do?" the
pastor asked.
"I prayed that God would
keep the birds out of the traps," the little girl said. "Anything
else?" the pastor asked.
"I prayed that if the birds
went into the traps, the traps wouldn't work,' she answered.
The pastor asked, "Is that
all?"
The little girl answered,
"No, after I prayed I went out and kicked the traps to pieces."
I like that story—whether it’s
true or not. While I’m not sure God told
the little girl to put on her sturdiest shoes and go destroy the traps, I do
believe God sometimes urges us to take action when we see a problem that
troubles us, that makes us angry.
*****
Dr. Bruce Banner longed to be
free of the Hulk within him. Even though the Hulk did so much good, Banner was
constantly afraid of what the beast might do.
The Bible teaches us to be circumspect
regarding anger but it never calls for us to try to rid ourselves of this
powerful emotion. It doesn't because God knows how much good can be
accomplished by one person who is angry for all the right reasons.
Let this emotion be directed by
the power of love.
[In the interest of continuity,
I have posted a slightly revised version of a message from June 2013.]
