Leaders and the Led

I Thessalonians 5:12-13

  Paul seems to change the subject here to the Christian's attitude toward others in the congregation.  Of course, a proper attitude toward leaders will yield a proper attitude toward one's fellow Christians;  in the same way, an unhealthy attitude toward leaders will yield an unhealthy attitude toward fellow believers.

  They are to "live in peace" among each other.  In Mark 9:50 the Lord called upon the disciples to "be at peace" with one another;  This was part of a lengthy response to John's report of their having seen someone, not of the apostolic band, casting out devils and their attempting, apparently unsuccessfully, to stop.

   Respect and harmony within the Christian community is essential for any kind of effective ministry, especially that kind of ministry discussed in the next verses.

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While on our vacation, we drove past a lot of churches.  Several of them had those sophisticated electronic signs that allow you to flash whatever message you want to those passing by.   They showed time and temperature, upcoming events, service times, and sermon titles.  One sermon title got my attention because I knew I’d be preaching from this text when I returned.

Sorry I didn’t catch the preacher’s name but the title may not have been original with him, anyway.  More important, I didn’t want you to think I had thought it up.  The title—a long one—was “The World At It’s Worst Needs the Church At Its Best.”

Paul’s final counsel to the Thessalonians focused to a large degree on how the church might be at its best.  Much of what Paul says in these verses is intended to help the congregation be the kind of church that honors Christ and develops healthy believers.

  He begins by discussing the role and contribution of leaders in the church.  He reminds us that an openness to being taught and guided is important to a church which would be at its best.

Although the early church was a most egalitarian institution, a democracy, with each member being gifted by the Spirit to help strengthen and carry on the church's task, there were leaders.  Their leadership was not rooted in power but in loving servanthood.

In most cases, those leaders emerged from within the rank and file of the congregation.  They weren’t elected to these positions, they seemed to work their way into them.  As Lenski says, “their taking the lead is done in a truly Christian way.”

The structure of local churches seemed to vary from place to place in the early church;  Paul would sometimes used terms like “elder” or “overseer” with out making much distinction between the roles.  A pastor might be an elder but not all elders appear to have been pastors.

In this passage, Paul doesn’t uses special titles for those doing the work he has in mind.  Instead, he focuses on the character of the work and the contribution it makes to the congregation.  Those who perform such a ministry, whether they possess a title or not, should be respected and appreciated.  With this in mind, I think we can apply what Paul says to folks like Sunday school teachers and others who hold jobs not mentioned at all in the New Testament.  

Of course, that doesn’t always happen.  Sometimes some Christians refuse to appreciate or listen to them.  This seems to have happened even though these leaders conducted themselves in a most Christian manner.   There may have been several reasons for such resistance.

They may resent the leaders intrusion into their lives.  Paul describes the leaders as “warning” or “admonishing” the Christians against all that is wrong.  

The word, which is also translated as "counsel" and "advise," is  noutheteo and means "to put in mind,"  to caution someone or to reprove them gently.  It involves using what they ought to know as Christians to issue a warning against some notion they have embraced or some behavior they have begun to demonstrate. Calling people to moral living means calling them to thoughtful living.

There may have been a time when the preacher or teacher could warn people away from certain behaviors without giving any rationale, but in many ways that day has past.   They may contradict the leaders of the church in an attempt to justify some behavior which is being challenged by the leader.

They may possess an unteachable spirit.  Back in the late ‘60s our culture began to think that students—even high school students—should be able to tell their teachers what to teach.  The outcome has been that many people just don’t believe they have anything to learn from either a Sunday school teacher or a pastor.

They may be rebels at heart, refusing to submit to any other person attempting to instruct or correct them.   Some of the great heresies that have harmed the church have been born from such a spirit.  [Indeed, the word heresy comes from a Greek word that means “to choose,’ in the sense of choosing a faction.  All mature belief involves some degree of choosing but heresy is choosing against overwhelming evidence to the contrary; for example, the Gnostic notion that Jesus only appeared to be human was a heresy because the notion was chosen despite the evidences of his human nature found in the gospels.]

They may feel they are socially superior to their leaders or teachers.

For example, it’s easy to imagine a situation in which a Christian whose social status placed him in the middle or even upper-middle class of Thessalonian society found himself sitting in a congregation listening to the teaching or admonition of a fellow-believer who was a slave.  

We don’t know of that happening in the Thessalonian church.  But in our churches, we know there are those who won’t listen because they believe being better-educated, socially superior, or wealthier exempts them from submitting to teachers whose station in life is differs from their own.

They may be reacting to some other authority figure in their lives (a parent, an employer, a teacher, a spouse) to whom they cannot show disrespect as safely as they can to the pastor or other Christian leader. 

 They may wish to usurp the leadership role in the church in order to gain some sense of importance for themselves.  

They may bear a grudge against a former pastor or leader and transfer their anger to anyone filling that role.

This is clearly unfair but it is a reality in the life of many churches.

[Over the years I have become convinced the occasional troublemaker in our churches suffers from some emotional or psychological disorder.  This disorder, often undiagnosed, may explain why some individuals react disproportionately to perceived slights or insults; why church leaders are often the targets of their anger.  At my Texas church, a deacon (Bill) missed a meeting where a contractor explained how he would redesign the doors of the church.  When Bill returned another member (Matt) showed him what the contractor had in mind.  Bill sought me out and complained,“Matt  treated  me like an idiot, trying to tell me about those doors. I know more about building than he does.”  Knowing that Matt had never shown a tendency  to insult anyone and that Bill tended toward paranoia, I attempted to smooth the matter over.  Several years later, when I returned to the community for a wedding,  Bill cornered me at the reception to renew his complaint against Matt.  Unfortunately most churches and most pastors are not trained to deal with this kind of disorder in members, disorders masquerading as personality quirks which we explain as “just the way they are.”  We can recognize the signs of depression but not issues like “narcissistic personality disorder,” “dependent personality disorder,”or some other trait resistant to prayer, reason, and compromise.]

Nothing Paul says suggests there was a marked resistance to leaders among the Thessalonian Christians.  But Paul knew how easy it was for such attitudes to develop. 

Christians who want their church to be at its best should strive to maintain openness to being taught and guided by God-gifted leaders.

We can maintain such an openness by promoting a loving appreciation of what these leaders do for the church.

1.  They model commitment to the work of the church.  “They work hard….”  The idea is that of manual labor, exhausting effort.  It was an effort born out of the Christian love these leaders had for their fellow-believers.

2.  They help protect the church from error and wrong-doing.

That was the goal of the tough work of admonition and warning.  Leon Morris described the attitude of the leaders who did this tough work.  He said that “while its tone is brotherly, it is big-brotherly.”

In a world filled with conflicting world-views its easy to become confused and fall prey to doctrinal error.  Faithful Christian leaders can help protect us from that.

We can maintain such an openness by guarding the unity of the church.

One of the best ways to undermine a leader is to sow seeds of division in the church.  

Dealing with those divisions adds to the work of the leader and complicates any efforts to bring the church together in the work of building the Kingdom.

Paul isn’t calling on us to ignore obvious problems or harmful situations in the church.  They must be dealt with so they won’t become even more troublesome.  Caring enough to confront does more to preserve real unity than ignoring problems will ever do.

A proper attitude toward leaders will yield a proper attitude toward one's fellow Christians;  in the same way, an unhealthy attitude toward leaders will yield an unhealthy attitude toward fellow believers.

  They are to "live in peace" among each other, as a family of “dear brothers and sisters.”  In Mark 9:50, the Lord called upon the disciples to "be at peace" with one another.  This was part of a lengthy response to John's report of the disciples’ having seen someone, not of the apostolic band, casting out devils and their attempting, apparently unsuccessfully, to stop the strangers.

   Respect and harmony within the Christian community is essential for any kind of effective ministry, the kind of ministry which will help the church be at its best.

Conclusion

I wonder if Paul understood the problems he was creating for those pastors who would one day try to open up this passage for their congregations.

When you’re talking about honoring the leaders of a church, it’s hard not to be self-conscious.

Just keep in mind that Paul was not just talking about pastors.  He was talking about all those who provide some form of leadership in a church.

At the same time, remember that Paul is laying down principles which can help us be better participants in the church.

If we would support our leaders—whatever their title—I think we should begin by understanding the challenges they face.  They are trying to teach truth to a culture which has largely rejected the very notion of truth.  They are trying to inspire commitment in a people who have dozens of conflicting priorities.  They are trying to lead men and women who just don’t like being led.

If we would support our leaders—whatever their title—I think we should abandon unrealistic expectations.   Several years ago there was a prominent pastor in our denomination whose preaching was greatly admired.  He was asked to speak at almost every national meeting and many state meetings.  Many pastors wished they could preach like him and many churches wished their pastors could produce sermons like his.

One year I heard him preach twice, on two different occasions.  Though the meeting were miles apart I just happened to attend both.  He preached the same sermon at both.  It was an excellent sermon.  No wonder.  He had had plenty of opportunities to hone and improve it.

Then, too, it became known that he had—on his church’s payroll—a research assistant who did a lot of the spadework for his sermons, including finding those powerful illustrations and pertinent quotations his sermons were known for.

There’s no way an ordinary pastor who had to put together two or three new sermons each week, working on his own, could match that kind of sermon.

Sunday school teachers face the same challenge when people who listen to carefully edited radio and TV Bible teachers wonder why their teacher can’t teach like Dr. So And So.

Some of our Baptist traditions anger some people, especially people who don’t understand them.  I know a member who was always angry at our deacons because they wouldn’t tell people what to do.

A few years ago a woman became very angry at me because a church vote went differently than she wished.  She believed that I, as pastor, should overrule the vote.  She asked what no Baptist pastor would do.  She left the church.

Ultimately, if we would support our leaders, we would recognize that sometimes God wants us to be led—to be led to become the church at its best.

Like a Thief

Like a Thief

I Thess. 4:1-11

Whether you’re a Steve McQueen fan or a Pierce Brosnan fan, The Thomas Crown Affair (with either star) is a fun movie.  It’s one of the great “heist movies,” a movie about a carefully planned and executed theft.  Now, you might argue that the most carefully planned and executed element of the story wasn’t a theft but don’t get too technical.

The point is, the authorities knew it was going to happen and still couldn’t stop it.  Of course, Thomas Crown is one of the rare breed of movie burglars.  Most thieves would just as soon you not know they were coming and most of us are dutifully surprised when they do.

The Thessalonian Christians had been worried about their deceased loved ones, especially concerned about what their fate would be at Christ’s Return.  But there appears to have been a few who were also anxious about what would happen the living when Christ returned—more particularly, what would happen to them.

Out of a pastor’s heart, Paul addressed their concerns and fears.  He begins by suggesting two attitudes they should avoid. 

Avoid Fruitless Speculation

Some commentators suggest that the Thessalonians felt it might help if they knew when Christ would return.  This led them to begin to speculate about that date.

Their speculation was such that Paul felt compelled to address the matter, “Now as to the times and the seasons…. you have no need that anything be written to you.”

   Vine suggests that "times" (chronos) refers to the general period before the Second Coming;  "seasons" (kairon), on the other hand, refers to the specific period of God's activity known as "the Day of the Lord."

The Thessalonians appear to have had their calendars at hand trying to guess the time of Christ’s coming.   This was a futile exercise. Why?  Because, the Thessalonians knew  “… quite well that the day of the Lord will come unexpectedly, like a thief in the night.”

Paul assumed—because he had taught them—that the Thessalonians had the basic knowledge of the coming events.  They didn’t know enough to mark their calendars with certainty, but they knew what they need to know. 

Paul, Peter, and Jesus himself all used the image of the thief in the night, coming unannounced and silently.    You can’t know the timing of the Day of the Lord anymore than you can know the time of the thief’s arrival. 

Pride and human curiosity will probably lead preachers and evangelists to try to scope out the date of Christ’s Return but they will fail  Outsiders will mock and scoff at the church.  Christians—especially those committed to the “prophets” making the predictions—will be disappointed and lose their faith in the Scripture or they will become even more fanatical and far-out in their unfounded predictions.

Avoid Foolish Complacency

Another response to the prediction of the Christ’s coming is found in those who say, “All is well; everything is peaceful and secure....”   They are convinced that everything will go on as it has always gone on.  They're convinced that there is no reason to be fervent in evangelism or conscientious in discipleship.

Peter dealt with scoffers who mockingly asked, "Where is the promise of his coming? For ever since our ancestors died, all things continue as they were from the beginning of creation!" 

The people Peter dealt with scorned the doctrine of the Second Coming.  Paul is describing those who were just blithely unaware that things could change without warning.   As he puts it, at any moment there could be “… disaster [which] will fall upon them as suddenly as a woman's birth pains begin when her child is about to be born. And there will be no escape.”

Paul uses a situation which would have been true in his day, even if it isn’t true in ours.  Once labor begins, there is no reversal of the situation.  The baby is coming.  Once Christ returns, the events comprising what the Bible calls “the Day of the Lord”  will take place.

  On that Day, God’s sovereignty will be revealed for all to see.  There will be no doubt about his existence, his power, or his purpose.  There will be no further questions about Who is in charge in the universe.

On that day, justice will triumph.  Ancient wrongs will be righted. 

On that Day,  the wonder of God’s grace through Christ will be revealed.

So, Paul is telling us that we Christians walk toward the future with both uncertainty and certainty.   We don’t know when the consummation of history will take place;  we know it will take place.  It is as foolish to say, “Not this week” as it is to say, “Next Thursday, about 3:45 p.m.  GMT.”

In the face of such uncertain certainty, how should we live?

We Should be Prepared to Live in Light of Our Identity

Who we are and what we know because of who we are should shape our lifestyles and world-views.

 …. you are all children of light and children of the day: we do not belong to the night or to darkness,  so we should not go on sleeping, as everyone else does, but stay wide awake and sober.   Night is the time for sleepers to sleep and night the time for drunkards to be drunk, but we belong to the day and we should be sober…

Whatever others do, whatever the seeming stability of  the cultural situation around them, Christians ought to be alert and sober.  "Sober" suggests being of sound mind;  we ought to think clearly about the culture and its enticements.

William Barclay comments:

It is only the man who lives in the dark and whose deeds are evil who will be caught unprepared. The Christian lives in the light and no matter when that day comes, if he is watchful and sober, it will find him ready. Waking or sleeping, the Christian is living already with Christ and is therefore always prepared.

  No man knows when God's call will come for him and there are certain things that cannot be left until the last moment. It is too late to prepare for an examination when the examination paper is before you. It is too late to make the house secure when the storm has burst. When Queen Mary of Orange was dying, her chaplain wished to read to her. She answered, "I have not left this matter till this hour."

After his general call for the Christians to be alert and sober, Paul gives some specific directions to those wanting to know how to live.  He says,  “But let us who live in the light think clearly, protected by the body armor of faith and love, and wearing as our helmet the confidence of our salvation.”

Like a soldier preparing for battle, we are to put on our armor and take up our weapon. 

As we look at what Paul says about the resources the Thessalonians have in waiting for the Day of the Lord, we’ll discover that those same resources will help us face any of the uncertainties in our lives.

1.  Sober Christians should be prepared to face the future with faith in a loving God.

Keep this in mind, the God who will demonstrate his sovereignty and power in the events which mark the end, is the God who loves us.

Christians face an uncertain future with certainty in what a loving God has done for them through Jesus Christ.

      Jesus died so we may live.  This promise is unchanged whether the believer is alive or dead.  The life we have is a life which comes from being united to Christ.  It is a life which survives death.

   Death had long been such an unchallenged enemy that it is no wonder the early Christians--and even Christians today--wondered if somehow the promise of life in Christ had been a fantasy, a hoax.  Believers may have seen husbands or wives die, aged parents die, even children die after becoming Christians.  It may not have been clear how the promise of the Resurrection applied to them.

   Paul reminded his readers that death could not invalidate that promise.  Union with Christ is stronger than the power of death.  The love of God would not abandon them.

2.  Sober Christians should be prepared face the future with hope.

For Christians to face the Future beyond the future with dread is a contradiction.

God desire is not to pour out wrath on sinners;  his desire is to pour out his grace on them.  That is why he sent Christ to die.  Because of his actions, we can face the future with confidence—if we have placed our faith in Christ.

The foundation for our hope is God's actions on our behalf in Jesus Christ.  Paul says God initiated our salvation to give us a future to look forward to, not a future to dread.

3.  Sober Christians should be prepared to face the future with  the support of Christian community.

Facing the future alone can be scary;  the Christian doesn’t have to face the future alone.  We can find support from our Christian brothers and sisters.   

Once again, sound theology becomes a foundation for the believers encouraging and edifying one another.  The goal, in part, seems to be "character building" (Williams).

 The word "comfort" (parakaleo) seems to suggest an intensity of effort in exhorting a person to be comforted. This is not the man or woman who casually says to a struggler, “Gee, I hope things work out for you.”  This is a person who makes a commitment to that struggler.

"Edify" comes from oikodome which means "the act of building a house."  The idea is that the encouragement leaves the person stronger or more secure than before, with a deeper faith or confidence.  

Paul commends the Thessalonians for already doing this.  Spiritual guidance or direction is not simply the work of a pastor or another official in the church.  It is the responsibility of each member. 

Pity the Christian who has only the pastor to turn to for encouragement and help.  Pity the pastor who is the only one in the church who will offer encouragement and support to the needy members of the church.

Conclusion

As I prepared this message, I discovered something interesting. 

No, I didn’t discover that by dividing the scrabble value of Saddam by the scrabble value of Bin Laden, you could determine the date for the Second Coming.

So, put away your calendars and stopwatches.  I discovered something more reliable.

I discovered that the resources you need to face the prospect of the coming Day of the Lord are the same resources you need to face a less dramatic future—your future.  What can help me face the future of the Cosmos is what I need to face my future.

I need to hold securely to fact of God’s love—demonstrated in what he has done for me in Jesus Christ.

I need to be confident that God’s good purposes for me will not be thwarted by what the future brings.

I need to fully participate in that community of encouragement that is my church.

Comfort One Another

I Thessalonians 4:13

Last Tuesday, 6/6/06, I heard a lot of unsound theology on the radio.  Somewhere, someone had realized that by dropping the zero you have the always-ominous “666.”  That number, which the Revelation associates with the earthly leader of the anti-God squad, has become a springboard for all kinds of speculation, a cause of fear, and a great marketing tool. 

This wasn’t what Paul had in mind as he wrote to the Thessalonian Christians.  Some in the church were wrestling with grief.  They had lost loved ones and mistakenly thought their deaths had somehow abrogated or invalidated the promise of the gospel.  Paul corrected their misunderstanding and then told them, “comfort and encourage each other with these words.”  Paul meant the insights of our faith can be a source of comfort to those grieving.

But how do we do this?  It isn’t easy.  Yes, it helps if we’re trying to comfort someone who shares our world-view but that doesn’t always mean we will have an easy task.

The Character of Grief

Doing this work demands we understand something about the character of grief.

Les Carter has given a helpful definition of grief. 

Grief is the emotion that most often accompanies loss.  It is a feeling of anguish, sorrow, or longing for the person or thing that is gone; regret over something done or unfulfilled.  More than just a singular emotion, grief often causes a person to sort through many thoughts, feelings, and questions.

In reality, grief is a medley of emotions in which one emotion may, at times, sound out louder than the rest or all the emotions may sound out at once, creating a cacophony of feeling.

While there’s no doubt that people experience grief differently, it seems certain any demand that we greet loss with a Stoic demeanor is wrong.  I’ve known of parents who have forbidden their children to cry at the funeral of a beloved relative.  That’s just wrong.

Tears are a normal part of the human experience of loss.   Expressions of grief will vary from person to person, but failure to grieve a loss in some manner is a warning not a blessing.  Failure to grieve can be emotionally hazardous.  Yet, many believers think this is the Christian thing to do. 

Whether you’ve experienced the loss or someone else has, you need to respect the grieving process.  It is a sign that the grieving one is capable of caring deeply.  Standing outside the tomb of his friend Lazarus, Jesus wept deeply.  The story goes on to suggest that Jesus felt a deep anger at death and its ravaging ways.

Grief is not a sign of a loss of faith.  Anyone suggesting that probably fails to understand the nature of grief and the dimensions of the faith.

Sometimes when a person receives a physical blow, they’re momentarily dazed.  When they come around they may ask, “Where am I?  What happened?”  On rare occasions, they may even experience temporary amnesia and ask, “Who am I?” 

Doesn’t the same thing sometimes happen to us spiritually and emotionally?   We receive a hard blow--like the loss of a loved-one or some other loss--and we momentarily forget who we are.  We forget we are loved by a God who is good, caring, and wise; a God who wants only the best for us.

Victims of amnesia have to be allowed, with gentle help, to rediscover their identity on their own.  Perhaps victims of this kind of emotional and spiritual amnesia are best helped when we allow them to rediscover their spiritual identity on their own.  We may gently share a scripture, a promise, an insight but we have to avoid any kind of bullying to force them to remember.   We have no right to try to force a grieving person to behave as we imagine a person of faith would behave.

Simply put, not everyone is ready to sing “It is Well with My Soul” as a loved one’s casket slips into the ground.

Since people experience grief differently, grief shouldn’t be rushed.  The notion of a prescribed mourning period seems old-fashioned to us but at least it reflects the understanding that grief takes time.

While people experience grief differently, grief usually follows a somewhat predictable pattern.

 A person may experience each facet of grief more than once in the process.  Those facets are:

à Shock and crying.

à  Hostility.

à  Guilt.

à Restless activity (starting and not finishing projects).

à Usual life activities lose their importance

None of these things should shock us whether we are experiencing grief or observing grief in another.  They are part of the reality behind the truth that grief is hard work.

The work is hard but the time will come when grief begins to abate.

This, then, is the character of grief.  Once we have a grasp of grief’s nature, we’re better able to be a friend to the grieving.

A Friend to the Grieving

Paul’s words to the Thessalonians burst with profound ideas, yet don’t you find it interesting he doesn’t conclude this passage by saying, “Now, debate these words among yourselves?”

He’s calling us to be a friend of the grieving.  He wants us to be sensitive to the emotional and spiritual needs of those around us.  How can we be this friend in a time of grief?

We’re able to offer that help, in part, because of the foundation of faith on which we stand.  Remember of how Lucy and Linus were once looking out a window at a downpour.  A worried Lucy asked, “What if the world floods?”  Linus answered, “In Genesis chapter nine God said he would never again destroy the world with a flood.”  Breathing a sigh of relief, Lucy says, “You’ve taken a great load off my mind.”  Linus simply responded, “Sound theology has a way of doing that.”

But, have we always been careful to use the doctrine of the Second Coming to take comfort and encourage?

All theology should have some practical application, be useful to our day-to-day faith.   I can’t think of any other place in the Bible where this is more explicitly illustrated than I Thessalonians 4:18. 

Paul grounded the possibility of true comfort to the grieving on what he had just said about Christ’s Second Coming.  Christians could draw upon this great hope in speaking to their bereaved brothers and sisters in Christ.

This gave them a distinctively different perspective than that of their non-Christian neighbors when it came to offering comfort to those who had lost loved ones.

Early in the 20^th century, a letter from a second-century Egyptian woman was discovered and published.  Her name was Irene and she was writing to friends whose son had died.  She tells them that she weeps with them, just as she had wept over her own recent loss, assures them they had done everything fitting to honor his memory, and then adds:  “But, nevertheless, against such things one can do nothing.  Therefore comfort one another.  Fare ye well!”

Unlike Irene, Christians have something of substance to say to mourners.

There may be many Christian affirmations which provide comfort to those struggling with the loss of loved ones but, in this place at least, Paul recommends those associated with Christ’s Return.

That’s an important reason for being careful how we regard this doctrine.  Paul gives us enough information to comfort one another, not enough information to allow us to wildly speculate about the future.  When we do speculate about such things we leave ourselves open to making foolish pronouncements which might eventually cast doubt on other things we say.

One of the finest Old Testament scholars of the 20^th century is remembered not only for his contributions to the field but also for his suggestion that Nikita Khrushchev might very well be the Anti-Christ.

In trying to unwrap the many images and word-pictures we have in passages like this, we need to exercise restraint and seek balance.

I appreciate what Nazarene Arnold Airhart says:

“In describing so indescribable an event the use of symbols is helpful, but we may take Barclay’s warning against a ‘crude and insensitive literalism,’ at least as respects details involving the physical senses.  We should resist however, as a fatal blow to the Christian hope, any view which makes this passage a piece of so-called New Testament mythology.   Unless the language itself is false, the events described are literally promised in time, and thus necessarily in space also.  One cannot be comforted by a mythology any more than he can be warmed by a painted fire.  We are assured because this is the ‘word of the Lord.’”^[1]

With that in mind, how does this cluster of doctrines comfort us?`

Let’s focus on one area, the promise of the resurrection. 

At the heart of that promise is the expectation of a radical transformation.  In I Corinthians 15, Paul says that both dead and living Christians will be transformed at the time of the Second Coming.   We usually apply this to our physical bodies:  We speak of the feeble having endless strength, of the blind seeing, of the lame being able to leap with joy.  Sometimes, we may even become more specific and speak of how a believer's cancer-ravaged body will be whole and free from pain.

The emphasis on the physical transformation that will take place is appropriate, but we might be missing the full picture.

I was well into my adult years before I finally and reluctantly acknowledged my mother had, for as long as I could remember, suffered from some form of mental illness.  In fact, at her funeral, an older cousin of mine told Pat that my mother’s attitudes and behavior had always been strange.

There were hints, but not the kind of hints a little boy would notice.  My parents had no friends.  We went to church but we never saw fellow church members outside the church.   When my parents shopped for anything other than groceries, we crossed the River and shopped in St. Louis, to avoid seeing people we might know.

There was my mother’s obsession with death.  There was her temper which my father went to great lengths to avoid arousing.

My mother didn’t learn to drive until I was about twelve, so my father had to take her to the store, the doctor, or anywhere else she wanted to go.  They would never use a baby sitter, so I went with them for my mother’s regular visits to a “nerve specialist.”   I didn’t know what a nerve specialist was but I knew my father often told me that my mother had “nerve problems."  My father and I would walk around the local stores or just sit in the car while she visited with Dr. Friedman.

Years later, now an adult, I was in that St. Louis neighborhood and walked past the familiar building.  I glanced at the sign that still had Dr. Friedman’s name on it.  He was listed as a psychiatrist.  She never talked much about Dr. Friedman but I do recall one of her favorite mottos was, “those doctors don’t know anything.”

As she grew older, her paranoia and her fixations became more prominent.  She took delight in saying hurtful things.  She made it clear she didn’t like Pat.  When we were going through a particularly tough time because some major plans we had failed, she said, “God is punishing you because you’re too proud.”  We lived hundreds of miles away but called her weekly, tried to visit a couple times a year, and regularly issued an open invitation for her to visit us.  Yet, she once told our boys--her only grandsons--that they were no more to her than the children she didn’t know playing down the street.  (She was incensed that I would leave that “little country church” in Texas to go to a “big city” church in Ohio.)

Our visits to her were so stressful that almost every evening while our family was in that little Missouri town the four of us would find some reason to make a late night visit to the Wal-Mart Super Center (this was back when the super centers were still experimental and that store was one of only two).  Some of you may not like Wal-Mart but we looked at that store as a resource for maintaining mental health.  We got to know the stock really well and the staff began to think we were casing the joint.  (This might shock and disappoint some of you but you weren’t there.  Besides I came away with a bit more compassion for those who have had to deal with parents, children, and siblings who suffer from mental illness.)

My mother died early in 2001, a couple months after I had placed her in a nursing home because she had started blacking out and falling at home.  It was in Missouri so she’d be close to the few people she knew. 

The last time I saw her she accused me of selling her house and pocketing the money.  (Her house was sitting empty, still in her name.)  She also ominously told me that I’d be sorry I put her there; that she wasn’t going to live like that.  I don’t believe my mother took her own life but I doubt she did much to cooperate with her caregivers.

Just after the funeral, Pat made an observation I had never thought about.  The preacher had cited Paul’s words about our being changed in the twinkling of an eye.  He, of course, applied it to my mother’s physical body.  But Pat said, “Why shouldn’t it be true of her mind as well.  Maybe for the first time in a long time your mother is mentally well.”

The Bible doesn’t specifically promise that, yet it makes sense.  I shared that long personal account because I want us to think of this powerful transformation in ways broader than we might traditionally do.  We need to think in view of what is in store in the future God has in story for those in Christ.

If the miracles of Jesus were signals of the closeness of God’s Kingdom, if they showed us something of that Kingdom’s power and character, then we can look at them to get a foretaste of the world to come.  For example, Jesus’ liberation of the Gadarean demoniacs from the power of Satan would become a clue to what we might find in God’s new order.  Shouldn’t we expect that one day, in heaven, we will find those brothers and sisters who suffered chronic depression, schizophrenia, fear, or other emotional problems—whatever the cause—sitting with Jesus, clothed and in their right minds?

When Paul tells us to comfort one another with these words, he is inviting us to use our sanctified imaginations to apply these truths to our hurts and pain, and to the pains and hurts of others.

Whether writing to the Corinthians about the resurrection or to the Thessalonians about the Second Coming, Paul used sound theology to temper the power of grief with the power of hope.  Not every grieving Christian is immediately ready to hear that message, but all will ultimately benefit from it.  You probably shouldn’t plan to give an unsolicited lecture on the theology of heaven while standing shivering in a cemetery in January but you should be ready to answer, in simple terms, questions your grieving friend may ask.

We’re also able to be a friend to the grieving as we demonstrate informed compassion. 

Such informed compassion certainly involves a basic knowledge of the dynamics of grief.  We don’t need degrees in psychology or counseling but we do need to take the time to reflect on how we have seen grief work itself out in the lives of others. 

Sometimes, this thoughtful compassion grows from our own experience of grief.  Paul says in 2 Corinthians that God “…comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.” 

Paul is not simply talking about grief; he’s speaking of a variety of troubles.  Yet, what he says has a twofold application for those who would be a friend to the grieving.  First, we’ve all been in situations in which we’ve experienced loss and needed comfort.  Second, we are better able to comfort others when we draw upon our own experiences and recall what helped us in those dark days.

With that in mind let me outline how you might be a friend to the grieving.

1.  If you would be a friend to the grieving, recognize that each grieving person has certain fundamental needs.

--Grieving persons need safe places.  (Where they may weep without shame, rage without censure.)

--Grieving persons need safe people.  (People who will not demand too much of them or treat them as incompetent.)

--Grieving persons need safe situations.  (Situation where they may ease back into the flow of life.)

2.  If you would be a friend to the grieving, remember that being available is more important that being astute.

Most mourners would probably prefer having a friend who quietly cares that having a friend who thinks he has all the answers.

3.  If you would be a friend to the grieving, be ready to acknowledge there may be times when you come to the limit of your ability.

Sometimes grief becomes destructive and unhealthy.  If you sense this, your friend may need the help of a specialist.  This is especially true if you suspect your friend may be hurting himself or herself.

4.  If you would be a friend to the grieving, keep in mind that mourners often have very mundane needs. 

This may be as simple as making sure there’s milk and bread in the house or helping relatives get to and from the airport.  As the shock of the loss begins to abate, they will be able to care for more for everyday needs, but during the initial stages, they may need some help.

Make yourself available for the long haul but avoid the suggestion that the mourner is helpless.

5.  If you would be a friend to the grieving, stand ready to welcome them back into the business of living.

In the final stages of grief, your friend may be ready to take some tentative steps back into the routines of life.  You won’t want to hurry them, but do be there when they’re ready.

Conclusion

Several years ago I wrote a column for the Worthington News on Jackie Deems, a woman who had lost her son to a devastating illness and, out of that experience, found meaning in trying to help others who were grieving. 

This was the only column I wrote which received a response from people in the community.  A family whose teenaged son had suddenly died a few years before asked me to visit them.  They wanted to tell me they had found comfort in what I had written.

Actually, Deems deserves the credit.  In addition to telling her story, I quoted her “Beatitudes for Those who Comfort.”

Blessed are those who do not use tears to measure the true feelings of the bereaved.

Blessed are those who do not always have a quick ‘comforting’ answer.

Blessed are those who do not make judgments on the bereaved’s closeness to God by their reactions to the loss of their loved one.

Blessed are those who hear with their hearts and not with their minds.

Blessed are those who allow the bereaved time enough to heal.

Blessed are those who admit their uncomfortable ness and put it aside to help the bereaved.

Blessed are those who do not give unwanted advice.

Blessed are those who continue to call, visit and reach out when the crowd has dwindled and the wounded are left standing alone.

Blessed are those who know the worth of each person as a unique individual and do not pretend that they can be replaced or forgotten.

Blessed are those who realize the fragility of bereavement and handle it with an understanding shoulder and a loving heart.

May God bless you as you attempt to be a friend to the grieving.

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^[1] “First Thessalonians,” Beacon Bible Commentary, Vol. 9:  Galatians through Philemon, p. 487.