Temper Tempered

Temper Tempered

James 1:19-20

Text intro:  James is a very practical letter that speaks to problems we all face.  In fact, he sometimes seems to meddle. 

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James Garner died last Sunday.  If somehow you don’t know who he was, let me say that for six decades he was involved in film and television usually as the good guy—even if he wore a black hat.  He was best known for Maverick, in which he played the gambler who preferred talking his way out of trouble to using a gun, and for The Rockford Files, in which he played an ex-cop, ex-con private eye who lived in a trailer, looked after his dad, and often had to use the bus because his car wasn’t running.  Even though I enjoyed watching Garner for years, there was an aspect of his personality I was totally unaware of.  Every tribute I read mentioned his “volatile temper.”  He was known for punching people who irritated him, sometimes if they just said the wrong thing.  Most of the tributes found this quality commendable.

Yet, explosive anger—rage—is often a destructive thing.  Karen Peterson wrote in USA Today:

Bad tempers are on display everywhere.  The media report incidents of road rage, airplane rage, biker rage, surfer rage, grocery store rage, rage at youth sports activities.  Leading social scientists say the nation is in the middle of an anger epidemic that, in its mildest form, is unsettling, and, at its worst, turns deadly.[1]

All of us know people who explode into anger with little or no warning.  Maybe you’re one of them.

Do you shout at people you think have crossed you?  Do you snap at people without warning?  Are relatives and friends overly compliant around you, always eager to eat where you want to eat, to watch what you want to watch, do what you want to do?  Do you suspect people think you have a short fuse?  For obvious reasons you shouldn’t feel safe just because people haven’t told you about it.

Some people are able to control families and churches with just the threat of losing their temper.

The Bible says a lot about anger.  It recognizes a place for some anger.  Yet, it does so with the ever-present warning about the danger of the hot-temper.

A hot temper can stunt your spiritual growth and nullify your witness.

Progress Delayed

Ideally, as we’ve seen in Galatians, we are on a pilgrimage toward Christlikeness.  We ought to be progressing toward the goal of becoming more and more like Christ—the man who was infinitely patient.  A hot temper can slow you down, delay your progress. 

It makes it hard for us to hear the voice of God as he speaks to us.  No wonder, it’s hard to hear when our hearts are filled with anger, malice, and ill-will toward others.

As a consequence, you’re stuck at a place you should have already moved from.  Let’s face it:  Tantrums belong to infancy.

Your hot temper may make it difficult for your church to do and be what is should be.  Whether it’s your style to rant or to pout, to rage or to sulk, you may keep your church from doing what God may be leading it to do because people are afraid of your reaction to change.  One good threat can overrule the desire of many.

Years ago a friend of mine visited a church on a Wednesday night.  He found himself attending the church’s business meeting.  He sat through the usual reports and then the pastor asked for new business.  Someone recommended the church take a certain course of action.

This received general approval.  But one member—a wealthy member—angrily objected.  He stormed out of the meeting.  The pastor turned to an associate to say, “Go get him, we can’t afford to lose him.”  So, the status quo was maintained in response to an outburst of anger.  That man had learned that if he could get his way with angry threats, he didn’t need to come up with valid objections to any course of action he didn’t approve.

The Greatest Tragedy

The greatest tragedy in allowing free rein to a hot temper is that it blocks the flow of Christ’s love through you.  We are to be channels of Christ’s love to a weary world.  How can we be what we’re supposed to be if that channel is blocked with anger and rage?

Paul writes very pointedly of what can happen when we allow our anger to rule our lives.  He wrote to the Ephesians

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  ³¹ Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Eph 4:30-31 (ESV)

Paul links grieving the Holy Spirit, breaking God’s heart, to allowing anger to characterize our lives rather than a loving spirit of Christlikeness. 
          Both James and Paul would agree that whatever “righteousness” might be seen in our lives is a product of God’s work.  One of the promises of the gospel is the promise that the Spirit will work in us to make us more like Jesus.  How can any observer believe that is happening when they see a Christian in the midst of a temper fit?

The truth is, habitual outbursts of temper may cause that observer to wonder if Christ has made any impact on us at all.

Tempering Your Temper

Christians who have low-boiling points, hot tempers, short fuses, seem to respond in one of two ways.

--Excessive self-justification.  They defend their behavior and actions, even to the point of saying God approves of their responses to life—after all, he made them this way.

--Excessive self-recrimination.  These folks know they need to change; they even yearn to change.  But they don’t know what to do.

To the first group, the Bible offers a stern warning.  To the second group, the Bible offers a way of deliverance. 

I believe the following are some Biblical principles for dealing with your temper. 

1. Adopt a Biblical self-image.  (“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.”  Romans 12:3) 

Karen Peterson’s speaks to this point when she talks about the causes of rage:

Experts searching for causes [of runaway rage] blame an increasing sense of self-importance, the widespread feeling that things should happen my way.”[2]

There are other factors, of course, but this sense of self-importance is one of the most significant.  Leslie Charles says we have developed a sense of entitlement.  She reports that this leads to the notion that “life should be easy.  People should get out of my way.  My child should win at this game.”

When Paul said “do not think more highly of yourselves than you ought to think” he was laying the foundation for a realistic self-esteem.

Fits of temper are often tools of manipulation.  When you adopt a Biblical self-image, you’ll not try to control others with your anger.  Instead, you will ask yourself, “What right to I have to force my will on another free person?”

2.  Work toward an adult attitude toward life.

One counselor says we need to deal with anger, in part, by “setting aside idealistic myths.”  It’s childish to expect everything to go your way.

Your boss is your boss, not your mother.  Your boss may never say, “Your idea is so much better than the home office’s, it’s certainly better than mine.”  Your boss may not treat you with the respect you think you deserve but that’s no excuse to rage at your spouse, your children, your dog.

If you’re driving home with 100,000 other drivers on a road built for 50,000, you should expect some bottlenecks and delays.  Check out a good book on tape.

Stop taking things personally.  The grocery store didn’t ask two or three checkers to stay home just so you’d have to stand in line.

3.  Learn to anticipate some anger-producing situations.

You’ve had enough experience to know that being around some people can trigger your anger.  Be ready to be patient, be witty, or be gone.

4.  Don’t store up anger.

Charles says we should beware of “…a fuming, unrelenting sense of anger, hostility and alienation that simmers for months, even years, without relief.  Eventually, all it takes is a triggering incident, usually a minor one for the hostile person to go ballistic.”

When an explosion is so out of proportion to the apparent cause that people say, “Where did that come from?” you can be fairly sure it is fueled by a store of angry feelings.

I’m no expert in these matters but I know that many devices, like air compressors, have what is called a “pressure relief valve.”  This valve is designed to open when a dangerous level of pressure is reached, whether that pressure is caused by a malfunction or some other problem.  Usually, the excess pressure is released in a controlled manner in a safe environment.  Without the pressure relief valve, the device could explode.  Many people need a personal pressure relief valve.  If they store up anger, they might one day explode.

Deal with your anger in a healthy manner.  When Paul said we shouldn’t let the sun go down on our anger, he knew what he was talking about.

5.  Don’t allow anger to close your ears to wise counsel.

Early in David’s life, before he became Israel’s king, a boorish man named Nabal insulted him.  David made plans to kill him.  Fortunately, Abigail, Nabal’s wife, was much wiser than he was.  She intervened and persuaded David to spare her husband’s life.  Had David not listened he would have become an outlaw and a brigand.

Listening for a moment may spare you a lifetime of regret.

6.  Pursue appropriate ways to display anger.

Anger isn’t wrong.  We may display our anger inappropriately—explosive rage, retaliation, gossip, passive aggression are some examples.  An appropriate way to display your anger may involve what one textbook calls “assertive anger.”  The writers say:

When we express our anger assertively, we preserve our sense of self-worth, our need, and our convictions while at the same time considering the needs and feelings of others.  When we express our anger assertively rather than aggressively, we actually enable our relationship to grow stronger.  Assertive anger is a mark of personal maturity and stability.

Taking this course will involve using reasonable, measured words to express your anger.  It will mean staking a claim for emotional freedom.  It will mean holding on to the notion that you matter—and that others matter too.

7.  Recognize there may be times when you simply must surrender your anger.

There are some circumstances that just won’t allow you to express your anger.  Rather than taking that anger in and allowing it to fester, rather than suppressing it, rather than allowing it to control you, you’ve chosen let it go and to pursue a new life. 

8.  Allow God’s Spirit to produce his fruit in your life. 

Giving unrestrained vent to our anger can sadden the Spirit of God.  At the same time, allowing God’s Spirit freedom to work in our lives to generate the virtues that will increase our likeness to Christ will give joy to the Spirit.  According to Paul, in Galatians 5:22-23, one of those virtues is “self-control.”

Conclusion

For the past few minutes I’ve been speaking to those of you who want to change.  Some of you see no reason for change.  Your temper gets you what you want.  Just remember, someday the bill for your behavior will come due.

If you’ve been the victim of such a temper, ask God for the strength to stand up for yourself.

Now, let me speak, again, to those who want to change.  Maybe you’ve seen the shocked, hurt expression on the face of your wife, your children, of some other loved one you’ve just snapped at.  You feel self-revulsion because you seem unable to control that angry beast:  your temper.  You sense the protective barriers put up by your family whenever you’re around.

Each time you give vent to an outburst you feel ashamed, but helpless to stop yourself—no matter how many resolutions you make.  Maybe you’ve even stopped apologizing for those outbursts because an apology seems so hypocritical.  You wonder if there is any hope.

There is.  Victory seldom comes without struggle.  But through his Spirit, God has provided the means to confront and ultimately conquer the angry beast.  Even if that beast is living within you. 

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[1] “Why Everyone Is So Short-Tempered,” 18 July 2000.

[2] Ibid, emphasis mine.