Proverbs 31:10-31
The Book of Proverbs has several
things to say about women.
--Some of those statements are quite
complimentary.
--Some of those statements are
mildly amusing to those men who read them and not a little provoking to those
women who read them.
You will find it one of the most
surprising essays about women in all of ancient literature.
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Years ago, when I was preparing a message
for Mother’s Day I came across this quotation: “A boy’s best friend is his
mother.” That sounds pretty nice. Anyone remember who said it? That’’s right. Norman Bates, devoted son, motel manager, and
amateur taxidermist. You know, from Psycho.
I suppose the sentimental view of
motherhood that once shaped Mother’s Day sermons doesn’t sell well in most
churches today. We have a more realistic
view of the women who are our mothers.
We acknowledge their foibles, failures, and flaws; we know that they,
like the men who are our fathers, are sinners, it’s just that we came to that
conclusion about men so much sooner.
That might bother some of you; maybe even
make you just a little miffed. For
others, though, it may take a great burden off your shoulders. If your child should complain because you’re
not perfect, you can answer, “That’s never going to happen.”
At the same time you’re set free from the
awesome responsibility to try to be some kind of mythic mother, the mother who
really resembles the women described by the poets and the greeting card
writers. All you have to do is be the
best mother you can be, the real you can be.
The Bible can’t help you be the mythical
mother but it can help you be the best mother you can be.
With that in mind we’re going to look at a
passage which is sometimes titled “the virtuous woman.” The word translated “virtuous”
is packed with meaning. It includes the
ideas of moral uprightness, courage, strength, and competence. In fact, one modern translation refers to her
as a “competent” wife. I think the words
imply this woman is not, as they say, so heavenly-minded to be of no earthly
use.
If it seems a strange way to end the
Proverbs, keep something in mind.
Proverbs begins as a manual of practical instruction for a young man on
the threshold of adulthood. It’s
appropriate that it should end with the counsel to help such a young man be
wise in making the most important decision he will ever make: The decision about whom to marry.
The woman the young man would marry will,
ultimately, become the mother of his children.
So what is said here has a direct bearing on being the best possible
mother. The lesson the passage teaches
is really a simple one: The best
women make the best mothers.
à This clearly runs contrary to any notion
which suggests that the best women “waste” their lives if they become mothers.
à At the same time, it does not mean that
mothers are the best women, that those who aren’t mothers are somehow
deficient. It simply means that the
woman who sets out to be a mother should first set out to be the best woman she
can be.
With all this in mind, let's look at
the portrait of a remarkable woman.
It’s not certain who wrote Proverbs
31:10-31. Not even certain if it should
be included in the proverbs attributed to Lemuel's mother (vs. 1). If it is we have a mother’s advice to her son about the kind of
woman he should look for.
In the Hebrew text the poem is an
acrostic (each verse begins with a the successive letter of the alphabet).
This is a portrait of a woman who
stood out from the crowd. In some Jewish
communities the husbands and children recite this poem every Friday night to
honor their wives and mothers. The
details of the description are interesting.
1.
The value of such a woman is far above that of jewels.
2.
Her husband can put complete trust in her.
3.
Their relationship is enduring and promotes good.
4.
She takes care of business, doing what needs to be done for the
well-being of her family.
5.
She makes decisions wisely--such as buying land.
6.
She works hard to make sure that her business prospers.
7.
She has compassion for the poor and the needy.
8.
Her family is well cared for even when facing winter's blast.
9.
The implication seems to be that she and her husband work together as
partners; his prominence is due, in part, to her hard work.
10.
She faces the future with calmness.
11.
She is wise and her words are worth listening to.
12.
Her demeanor, behavior, love, and virtue win praise for her from her
husband and children.
13.
Her spiritual relationships shape all that she is.
A woman with these qualities would
be remarkable in any age. But this woman
stands out from the crowd because she made her mark in a time and in a place
when it was difficult to be a woman. Although
conditions for Jewish women in OT days was better than they were for women in
many nations, so powerful were the cultural forces that women in Israel were
still regarded with disdain by many.
Here’s a reminder that by the grace of God
a woman can be the best she can be in the most difficult of times. The
high praise given this woman of Proverbs 31 says several things to contemporary
women who want to be the best women they can be.
I
IT'S OKAY TO USE YOUR TALENTS
1.
Somewhere the notion has arisen that a woman shouldn't display her
talents.
For a long time we've known little girls
were as bright as little boys in grade school, then in high school the boys
began to move ahead. One suggestion for
this occurrence is that girls have not been encouraged to develop skills in
math, science, etc. We’re beginning to
get past this but it’s still a struggle on some levels to win the right to be
good.
2.
This woman's use of her talents worked to the mutual benefit of her and
her family.
.
II
IT'S OKAY TO BE STRONG
1.
No doubt this woman was strong.
She was successful when the culture didn't
want her to be successful.
Is there any doubt she was strong? The word translated as “strong” can mean
“military might.” This woman was a force
to be reckoned with.
2.
We have always needed strong women.
They have built our nation and our churches.
Children need two strong parents. In a single parent home, the child needs one
very strong parent.
III
IT'S OKAY TO SHOW COMPASSION
1.
Perhaps in response to the unfair stereotypes they've had to overcome at
times, some women have determined to suppress any tendency toward tenderness,
kindness, and compassion. (Dame Edith
Evans “When a woman behaves like a man why doesn’t she behave like a nice
man?”)
2.
The Proverbs 31 woman unashamedly shows compassion toward the poor; yet,
no one who had dealt with her in the marketplace or in a land deal would ever
point to that as evidence of weakness.
IV
IT’S OKAY TO BE SPIRITUALLY RESPONSIBLE
1.
This woman is said to “fear the Lord.”
In the wisdom literature, like Proverbs, fearing the Lord meant seeing
God as God and ordering your life accordingly.
This woman did that.
2.
We must never diminish the spiritual contributions of women to the home
and family. In Protestant churches in
the west, women have outnumbered men in our congregations since the seventeenth
century. It’s probably impossible to guess the contributions they have made to
our churches and our spiritual heritage.
V
IT'S OKAY TO ACCEPT PRAISE
1.
Praise is hard for some people to take, especially hard for some women
to take.
--Some have been taught that accepting
praise is the mark of conceit, even if their work is outstanding.
--Some suffer from a sense of inferiority
and low self-esteem.
Psychologist Gary Collins lists some
characteristics inferiority and low self-esteem. You probably know women who exhibit these:
They feel isolated and unlovable.
They are angry, but afraid of angering
others or drawing attention to themselves.
They have difficulty getting along with
others.
They often exhibit jealousy and criticism
of others.
They exhibit self-criticism, self-hatred,
and self-rejection.
They seek to gain control over others.
They have an inability to accept
compliments or expressions of love. 1
2.
Our sense of self-worth grows out of our self-image.
You are God's creation. You are the object of God's redeeming love.
Some women, even women in our churches
don’t know that. But so what? The
mothers who create the most havoc in their homes are those mothers who have
some psychological need to prove themselves, to demonstrate that the secret
fears of worthlessness they harbor are lies.
A woman healthy enough to accept sincere praise is able to avoid some of
the destructive habits which have scarred children of every generation. The beautiful thing about the gospel is the
fact that, even if a mother has inherited a sense of worthlessness from her
mother, the cycle can be broken; she can see herself as valuable in God’s
estimate.
3.
Women can accept praise for their accomplishments, because those
accomplishments reflect a God-given creativity and giftedness. James Moffatt’s translation is interesting,
“Charms may wane and beauty wither, keep your praise for a wife with brains…”
That creativity and giftedness can be
reflected in your work whether it is done at home, the office, the classroom,
or wherever.
CONCLUSION
The woman of Proverbs 31 was the best she
could be in a difficult time.
Her life was not lived in angry isolation
from others. It was lived in a threefold
context.
--the context of her family. She and her
husband were truly partners. She did not
feel cheated because much of her energy was expended on her family.
--the context of her society. She didn't let the attitudes of some stop her
from being all she could be.
--the context of her community of
faith. She was "a woman who fears
the LORD".
Because she lived her life in these
contexts, she became an example to others.
This passage hints at the state of the
marriage this woman was part of.
Admittedly, this marriage is painted in very broad strokes; none of us
can fill in all the details we would see if we could be the proverbial fly on
the wall observing this husband and wife interact.
But this much is clear, this marriage was a
marriage marked by mutual respect, mutual support, and mutual effort.
_______________________
1
Gary Collins, Christian Counseling: A
Comprehensive Guide, p. 352.
