Being Christian is not as easy as you might think. One of the toughest things Christians are asked to do is forgive those who harm them.
Matthew 6:12
Imagine hearing the Lord’s Prayer for the first time. In fact, imagine it is all you knew of Christianity.
The prayer is presented as a model, one given by Jesus himself. Prayer, Jesus taught, should be addressed to "Our Father in heaven," heaven the place of unparalleled perfection where Isaiah stood before God and cried out, "Oi, I will be destroyed. I am not pure, and I live among people who are not pure...."[1]' To make matters worse, the very first petition of that prayer was, "may your Name be kept holy." At this point, you might think, "A holy God would have nothing to do with me. I'd ruin the Kingdom's reputation. I would be as welcome as a baked ham on the Passover table."
Those fears may have been confirmed by the next petition: "May your rule be realized as your will is done." That settles it. "How could I ever imagine I could be part of God's Kingdom," you think to yourself, "I've done my own will too long."
Then, the prayer’s focus changes, moving on to praying for bread. At this point, you come close to tuning out. After all, what could Jesus say to a sinner like you? But at that moment, Jesus adds the next petition: "Forgive us our debts...." Could that be right? Did Jesus actually say the holy God of heaven invited sinners to ask for forgiveness?
Each of us has failed to give God his due; we are debtors before heaven. We owe a debt we cannot ever hope to pay. Who would ever claim to have lived up to God's demands? None of us, we all fall short. Traditionally, we have put it this way: We have done those things we ought not to have done and left undone those things we ought to have done.
While there are those who would claim exemption from the indictment, most who acknowledge the existence of a Holy God agree with the old charge "all have sinned."
Jesus used the Aramaic term for sin, debt. While the term also refers to money debt, here it is used figuratively. We owe God obedience but we have disobeyed. We owe God honor but we have flouted his authority. We owe God absolute allegiance but have dallied with "idols" of all kinds. All the while our debt has been accruing, a debt from which no human agency could provide a bailout.
Now, Jesus tells us that God is offering forgiveness. And the forgiveness he offers contains a beautiful promise. The word translated "forgive" in this verse means to send away. Jesus is saying that when God forgives us, he sends our sins away from us. The word is a reminder of the psalmist's joy over the depth and breadth of God's forgiveness.
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us. (Ps 103:8-12)
God offers full and complete forgiveness. The psalmist's imagery is thought provoking. He says God removes our sins from us "as far as the east is from the west." Think about this. How far is the east from the west?
A few years ago, Pat and I drove to the little town of Tobermory, Ontario. It's located at the tip of the Bruce Peninsula that separates Georgian Bay from Lake Huron. On the way there, we passed a sign indicating we were crossing the halfway point between the Equator and the North Pole. Now, suppose we had winterized the car and kept driving north, on to the North Pole. After all, the vehicle we had was a Pathfinder. Anyway, once we got to the North Pole, we could have kept driving but we would have been driving south, not north.
Now, suppose for our next adventure we decided to see the sights along the Equator. Again, we would be driving. Don't worry too much about the Atlantic and the Pacific; that's why they make oversize tires. If we started out driving east how long would it be before we started driving west. Never.
So, more than 2500 years ago, the psalmist realized that if God removed our sins from us as far as the east is from the west, we would never see them again. That's the kind of forgiveness available when we pray this prayer. It's a great thought.
Then Jesus adds a phrase that's just a little unnerving. We are instructed to pray, not simply "forgive us our debts," but "forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." When we hear that, some of us want to cry, "Lord, you've got to be kidding. Forgive those who have injured me, those who have wronged me."
To make matters worse, when Jesus finishes outlining the model prayer, he adds a comment on this petition. He says,
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you;
but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Now, just what is that supposed to mean?
Some read those words and believe Jesus is telling his followers that God forgiving their sins rests on their previously forgiving the sins of others. It becomes a kind of quid pro quo arrangement, something for something.
I think these words are hard to understand but I think there are at least three reasons why they can't mean our receiving God's forgiveness comes at the price of our forgiving our enemies.
First, it contradicts the notion of grace that runs through the entire gospel. In its simplest definition, grace is "God's unmerited favor." We cannot earn salvation; it is the gift of God. All we can do it trust God. But, if our being forgiven depends on our forgiving the one who injured us, then we have done something, however small, to merit salvation. In fact, it opens the door to pride. We can boast of how magnanimous we are in forgiving our enemies.
Second, any scheme that says we have to forgive before we can be forgiven fosters hypocrisy. Any parent with more than one child knows this. Still, there are occasions when that temporary insanity that sometimes afflicts parents takes over and we say things like, "Tommy, forgive your sister or you don't get dessert!" To this, Tommy will usually reply, perhaps through gritted teeth, "Okay, I forgive you." You're momentarily satisfied but deep down you know that not too long after the dessert is gone, the moment of retribution will come. God—our heavenly Father—knows this as well. I doubt he would invite this kind of insincerity.
Third, asking us to forgive our enemies before we are forgiven is putting the cart before the horse or, more aptly, turning the monitor on when there's no mainframe. Acts of grace and mercy spring from a heart that has been transformed. Without that transformation, we are too prone to retaliate.
For centuries, Christian thinkers have looked at the Sermon on the Mount (where the prayer is found) and said that along with showing us a great target for our lives it shows us our shortcomings. The Sermon tells us a great deal about what Jesus came to teach about what God was doing in the world and about Himself. But it doesn’t tell us all we need to know as Christians. It tells us nothing about our need for the Holy Spirit to enable us to meet the challenges Christ places before us.
So, again, what does Jesus mean when he instructs us to pray, "Forgive our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors?"
Often in the Sermon of the Mount, our inner attitude is the key to what Jesus is saying. When we come to God, asking for our debts to be canceled, we come with the attitude expressed in the first beatitude. It says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”[2] Jesus is promising God's blessing to those who know they are spiritual paupers, who know they have nothing to merit God's favor. The word translated "poor" is the Greek word for the person who is absolutely destitute.
When we come to God for forgiveness, we are so aware of the gravity of our offenses that the offenses of others toward us become as nothing. So, Jesus is not talking about sequence: forgive others first then you will be forgiven. He is speaking of something that happens simultaneously with our being forgiven. Our forgiving those who offend us reveals the depth of our understanding about what happens when God forgives us.
In our schools and neighborhoods, trouble erupts when someone feels they have been "dissed." That means they feel someone has shown them disrespect. It's nothing new, Lord Wellington had a duel with another Member of Parliament when Wellington was Prime Minister. Fortunately, both were bad shots. When Wellington told the king about it, the king approved.
When we properly understand the nature of our sins, we know we have dissed God far more than anyone has ever dissed us. Yet, God offers forgiveness to those who have offended him. How can we do anything else? How can we truly appreciate the blessing of God’s forgiveness as long as we have an unforgiving spirit?
It’s important for us to understand that as weighty as what the Lord’s Prayer says about forgiving others may be, it is not all the Bible has to say on the matter.
When we resist Jesus’ call to forgive those who have wronged us we reveal a failure to understand the depths of the forgiveness he offers to us. At the same time, we put our mental, emotional, and physical well-being at risk.
The writer of Hebrews called for Christians to maintain peace within the churches so “no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you.” (Hebrews 12:15) Paul urges the Ephesians to “Get rid of all bitterness” because he knows it will lead to “rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.” (Eph 4:31) Both writers implied that bitterness harmed the individual Christian and threatened the well-being of the Christian community.
Minirth and Meier offer a more clinical description of what happens when we allow bitterness to remain unchecked.
The emotion of bitterness (holding grudges) depletes brain amines called tonin and noradrenaline, causing clinical depression.
Individuals whose serotonin and noradrenaline are depleted awake in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep, experience memory and concentration problems, feel tired during the day, get headaches, and may lose or gain weight.
This extended bitterness can also reduce natural antibodies, increasing one's susceptibility to infection. A spirit of bitterness can even contribute to heart attacks or strokes.
Anxiety disorders may also result from unresolved bitterness.
Paranoid disorders are another result of unresolved bitterness.
Think of the bitter people you have known. Often times they are obsessed with the wrong done to them. They may be compulsive about telling the story of how they were mistreated. They may transfer their anger to others who represent the wrongdoer.
I recall a scene from one of the classic Hollywood films; it starred the Three Stooges. Hey, their films are probably shown more often on TV than Casablanca. Anyway, the boys are walking down the street when they meet a young woman. She stops and gives Shemp a slap that sends him reeling. As she moves on, she shouts, “How dare you remind me of someone I hate.”
Someone who snaps at you or always seems ready to cause you problems may look at you and see someone they have never forgiven. That person who hates teachers may have had a bad teacher way back in the sixth grade. That person who causes problems for the pastor may have had a bad experience with another pastor years ago.
Harboring resentment and bitterness can fuel self-deception and rationalization. We can always discover reasons why we don’t have to forgive. We may say, “They haven’t changed.” That may be true but nothing Jesus says implies forgiveness toward others depends on their changing—in fact, when Jesus told Peter to forgive “seven times seventy” times, he assumed the one forgiven hadn’t changed.
Even asking, “Do I have to forgive if they don’t ask for forgiveness?” seems to be searching for a loop hole, a way to escape the call to forgive. The reality is that many who have wronged us will never ask for forgiveness. Some won’t because they are dead. Some won’t because heaven itself couldn’t convince them their behavior was wrong. When you continue to nurture your resentment toward them, you hurt only one person. You. The actor Tyler Perry discovered this when he finally let go of the rage he had felt against his abusive father. He wrote, “When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.”
By the way, don’t argue that God doesn’t forgive until we ask him. Not unless you’re willing to insist you took the first step toward being reconciled to God. Paul suggests that God’s offer of forgiveness was placarded or bill-boarded before the whole world before any of us turned to him for forgiveness.
Harboring resentment and bitterness can rob us of joy and peace.
Remember this: Forgiving another is not only an act of benevolence toward them; it is an act of benevolence toward yourself.
While it isn’t our primary motivation, when you forgive another you do yourself a favor.
Conclusion
The Lord's Prayer is a prayer for all of us because all of us are sinners. We are all burdened with the weight of our guilt. God offers us forgiveness—before we ask. When we receive that forgiveness, the experience is so liberating all of our relationships are changed.
But our relationships may not be changed overnight and they won’t be changed without divine help. As we continue to look at the hard work of forgiving other, we will discover that we must open our hearts to the Spirit to affect the change that needs to take place before we can forgive.
[1] The Holy Bible: New Century Version, Containing the Old and New Testaments. Dallas, TX: Word Bibles, 1991, S. Is 6:5
