Luke 15:11-32
This is one of the
most famous stories in the world. One
critic described it as the most beautiful short story ever written.
The story of the
Prodigal Son resonates with so many because of its reality. We all know a good parent who has watched a
son or daughter wander down the road to “a far country.” Maybe you are that parent.
The story, as Jesus
told it, tells of the son’s departure, his descent into the pigpen, his return
home, and his father’s welcome. While it
tells us what happened to the son in that far country, it does not tell us what
the father was doing back home. It does
not tell us how the waiting father spent his days. Of course, Jesus wasn’t telling the story to
describe family dynamics; he was making a point about God. Still, the story is a good starting point for
offering some biblical counsel to the Prodigal’s parent. Even if you’re not such a parent, maybe
something I say will help someone you know.
Before I go any
further, let me define a term “prodigal.”
Of course, the word means “wasteful” but we’re not talking about a child
who doesn’t clean his plate or who leaves her light on when she’s not in her
room. The parents of a prodigal only
wish that were the problem with their child.
Nor is your child a
prodigal simply because he or she begins to disagree with you on some
issue. You are not the parent of a
prodigal just because the daughter you raised as a Republican starts voting
Democrat. You are not the parent of a
prodigal because the son you wouldn’t allow to play with toy guns joins the
NRA. The matter is graver than that.
By Prodigal I am
referring to a child, of any age, who turns from the essential teachings of
faith and morality you have taught them to begin to pursue a path leading to
almost certain spiritual or moral disaster.
Remember, I’m talking about that child who turns from the essential or
fundamental worldview you taught them, not the child who may begin to disagree
with you on the particulars of that worldview.
In other words, if you raised your child as a Baptist and that child has
become a Pentecostal, that child has not become a prodigal in the sense I’m
using the term.
I’ve spent a while
defining terms because I want you to understand I am talking about children
whose spiritual welfare is threatened. I
want to offer counsel to the parents of such children. I am not talking to parents who have trouble
accepting that their children have minds of their own.
I hope what I say
will be of help to those parents who day after day watch down the road and
never see the sign of the prodigal’s return.
Inside they are wrestling with powerful emotions. Rob Parsons teaches parents and churches in
the UK about the pain of being a prodigal’s parent. He writes.
One mother
told me her experience: “I hear other parents talk with sadness about the day
when their kids leave home and the nest will be empty, and yet I cannot wait
for my daughter to go. I can’t honestly tell you that I do feel love for this
child.”
But as this
woman was speaking to me, I became convinced that what she was really saying
was, ‘Help me to love this girl, who at times seems to have ruined my life. She
has broken my heart, yet she is part of me – I cannot live without loving her.’
The truth is
that many of us have been caught like rabbits in the headlights of a car by two
powerful emotions – guilt and fear.
The guilt
whispers to us, ‘You have failed as parents. If only you had done this or
hadn’t done that, things would have turned out differently.’
And hot on the
heels of guilt is fear … ‘What if my children make a mistake that will ruin
their lives?’ … ‘What if they are hurt physically or become ill?’ … ‘What if
they turn their back on my values?’
You may be
experiencing those feelings or know someone who is. What should parents of prodigals keep in
mind?
1. Parents of prodigals should keep in mind
they are not alone.
This may explain the appeal of Jesus’s
parable. Those hearing it may either
cast themselves in the role of the wayward son or in the role of the abandoned
parent. The story transcends cultures.
Many other parents
have faced or are facing the same situation you are facing. You are not the first parent to face this
crisis. There are likely other such
parent in your church or in your neighborhood.
Of course, you should
never forget that God understands: He
has many rebel children.
2. Parents of prodigals should keep in mind
there are no guaranteed methods for raising a child.
Maybe you’ve heard
the popular radio add. It promises to
fix your child’s behavior problems in one minute or less. I am not kidding. Here’s one mother’s testimonial, “If you say
those words, you child’s behavior will change.”
I can’t help but wonder, what are those words? Maybe, “this Taser has 50,000 volts.” Of course, the ad doesn’t tell you the words
to say—you have to buy the book.
John
Wilmot once said,“Before I was married I had three theories
about raising children. Now I have three children and no theories.”[1]
I can appreciate that. Most of us have heard advice from those who
have not idea what we are facing.
You may have
faithfully tried the advice in the bestseller on Christian parenting, and your
child still took off toward that far country.
There’s nothing wrong with you and there may be nothing wrong with the
book, except the author had never met your child. It may have been written in the quiet of the
author’s study, as his or her children played outside, rebellious adolescence
years away.
3. Parents of prodigals should work to keep
their other relationships healthy.
Stay close to your
spouse. Don’t let the situation drive a
wedge between you.
Neither one of you
has the right to abdicate responsibility for dealing with your prodigal. Don’t play the “blame game.” Your child doesn’t have perfect parents but
neither do the children who never become prodigals.
You may have to stand
ready to protect your spouse or your other children from verbal or physical
abuse.
Mind the needs of
your other children. It’s easy to become
so focused on your prodigal, you neglect your “good” children.
Stay in touch with
your support system. Trusted friends and
fellow church members can be helpful listeners when you have to vent or just
cry.
4. Parents of prodigals should remember that
God is as interested in working on them as He is in working on their child.
Your experience may
be an opportunity to rediscover your dependence upon God.
Pray. Focus on God’s faithfulness. Allow God to set the agenda for your family.
5. Parents of prodigals must sometimes do the
toughest thing to help their prodigal:
Nothing.
Short-circuiting the
consequences of bad behavior may be harmful to your prodigal. (Imagine if the father in the parable had
“sent a little cash” now and then to his son.
Would he have ever “come to himself?”)
God may be willing to
give them more rope than we are.
There may be
occasions when you have to intervene to prevent magnifying a disaster, but that
intervention should be minimal. Suppose
your prodigal loses so much gambling that he can’t keep up his car
payments. Losing his car may mean losing
his job. Giving that prodigal a bus pass
might help him keep his job without destroying the lesson he needs to learn.
Please don’t
misunderstand. I am not saying you
should abandon your child. There may be
times when you need to intervene in ways to limit damage. If your child gets into legal trouble, you
would be wise to hire an attorney rather than trust an overworked,
under-experienced court-appointed lawyer.
6. Parents of
prodigals should allow the experience to teach them empathy.
There are many
parents of prodigals who need to know someone understands, to know someone is
willing to show them grace.
The sad truth is
there are plenty of people in our churches who are willing to sit on the judges
panel when some member wrestles with a prodigal child. The parent who’s had such a child should
never join them.
7. Parents of prodigals should not be
surprised if there are those who would interfere with the homecoming.
The elder brother in
this story reminds us that a child can stay at home but have a heart that is in
the “far country.” This brother knew
nothing of grace and sympathy.
Some family members
may want to keep the anger against the prodigal alive. Some may not welcome their return because
they now have to relearn how to be a family.
Churches should
always be “prodigal friendly” because every one of us, occupying a pew in a
church, is a prodigal who has returned home.
8. Parents of prodigals should keep in mind
that the odds appear to be in their favor.
One study suggests that about 80% of prodigals
return “home.” That should be
encouraging to most parents.
Of course, it doesn’t
mean we can do nothing. To say the least, we need to remember the
importance of prayer, patience, and persistence.
Be willing to allow
God to use His means to accomplish the homecoming. The human instrument might not be someone you
would never expect.
As a church, we
should support and pray for the parents of prodigals we know. We should pray for the prodigals who have
gone from us. We should pray that we
have the opportunity to help some prodigal find the road back home.
[1]Morgan,
Robert J.: Nelson's Complete Book of Stories, Illustrations, and Quotes.
electronic ed. Nashville : Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2000, S. 591
