Intentional Parenting

Luke 2:52

Well, it’s that time of year again. School is about to start.  Stores have sales on everything from cute new outfits to glue.  
 Here in the United States we still follow the pattern established in our rural days of dismissing school at the beginning of summer and starting up again as autumn approaches.  When I was in school, the new school year began after Labor Day; now it begins sometime in August.  It reflects the fact that we no longer need our children working on the farm. 

I hope we know that good parents make sure their children are in school, ready to learn. This certainly means we make sure they get plenty of sleep and start the day with a good breakfast.  But I hope we know that good parenting involves more than that. 

In this verse, Luke reminds us of some of the goals of good parenting, what I am calling “Intentional Parenting.”

Strangely enough, apart from the accounts of his birth, the New Testament is almost silent about the early years of Jesus.  Luke may have interviewed Mary about her Son in gathering information for his gospel but he shares only one story out of Jesus’ childhood--the Passover visit to the Temple when he was twelve.  Then the curtain is drawn and Luke sums up Jesus' early life with the words of my text:

  And Jesus grew

in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and

men.

Even though we might want more detail, we have to admit that's not a bad way to grow-up.

As a parent, I can't think of anything better than for my children to grow-up in such a way that what was said of Jesus could be said of them.

How can you and I as parents achieve this goal?

Well, it might help to know something about parents who did achieve the goal.

We may not know as much about Joseph and Mary as we might wish but one trait seems common to each.  Both opened themselves to God’s direction in their lives, especially as they approached the task of being parents. 

It’s a story told every Christmas, but it bears retelling.  Mary, a young virgin, was confronted by an angel who informed her that she was to have a child.  The same angel told her the conception of this child would be a miracle and that the child himself would be God’s great Redeemer. The angel even quoted Scripture to confirm it.  Hearing this, Mary said, “I am the Lord’s servant and I am willing to do whatever he wants.”

And of course you remember Joseph wondering what he should do after he discovered Mary was pregnant.  The Child wasn’t his, but he cared enough for Mary that he wanted to spare her needless shame and embarrassment.  So, he decided to end their engagement quietly.  Instead, an angel appeared to him in a dream to assure him that God was in what was happening to Mary (the angel even quoted Scripture to confirm it).  After this, Joseph confidently cooperated with what God was doing.

Do you think this was the last time they opened themselves to hear what God would have them do as parents?  I doubt it.  I suspect that throughout Jesus’ childhood they sought to discover how, by God’s grace, they could be used to mold and shape their child.

As we parents open ourselves to be used by God's grace, we can help our children grow toward Christlikeness in every aspect of their personalities.

I

BY GOD'S GRACE WE CAN GUIDE

OUR CHILDREN IN THEIR

PHYSICAL GROWTH.

There used to be some things we parents couldn’t do much about.  Now, we’re told that with just a bit of genetic tweaking we can determine the how tall our children will be, what color hair they will have, the color of their eyes.  All this excitement is funny in a way because the Bible makes it clear that such matters are really rather unimportant.

Still, a biblical understanding of physical growth involves more than just waiting for whatever happens.

1.  Our children need to develop a proper patience about their bodies.

One of the great dangers our children face is the rush to grow up.  Around the nation elementary schools are having “school dances.”  Please understand, that’s not an indictment of school dances but does a sixth-grader really need the pressure?

Years ago psychiatrist David Elkind called the children who are growing up so fast, the "hurried children". Wise parents will help them slow down.

2.  Our children need to develop a proper perspective in regard to their bodies.

The fairy-tale world of the media causes our children to think their worth is linked to their physical beauty.  Of course the problem is older than television and movies, have you ever heard of "Sleeping Ugly"?  A distorted emphasis upon physical appearance has been with us a long time.

Cosmetic surgeons are performing procedures on younger and younger patients.

In 2003, Tracey Gold, talented young star of Growing Pains, published her autobiography, Room to Grow.  In the book she tells of how she risked her life trying to lose weight because her producers thought she was too fat. 

Despite well-publicized warnings, there is an increase of anorexia among young women, although young men are also victims of the disease.  In fact, several web sites exist to teach how to keep their parents from discovering their purging.

            Some specialists believe anorexia is passed on from one generation to the next because of parents, especially mothers, who have never learned to accept their own bodies.

While we need to teach our children that the physical side of life is important, our children also need to understand that that physical appearance is the least valid way to judge anyone, especially themselves.  We must help them understand that they shouldn’t define themselves by their bodies.

Lead your children to see themselves as God's work of art.  As the psalmist wrote:

For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother's womb.

 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.   (Psa. 139:13f).

Maybe we need to add a new verse to an old Sunday school song:

Jesus loves the little children,

All the children as they are:

Plump and skinny, short and tall,

Jesus loves them one and all,

Jesus loves the little children as they are.

3.  Our children need to develop a proper protectiveness toward their bodies.

We must continue to impress upon them the dangers of drugs and alcohol. 

With some thirty-five STDs endangering our children’s lives we need to be frank in warning them of the dangers of promiscuity. 

Biblical sexual morality is founded on more than health concerns, but health concerns are not unimportant.  We need to help our children see that God’s prohibitions in matters of our sexuality are designed to protect us.  The Biblical teaching on sexual behavior, with its ideal of one man married to one woman for life, both having reserved sexual intimacy until marriage and each remaining faithful to the other, creates a closed system which is almost impervious to STDs.

At the same time, we need to help our children understand that, if they have failed in this area, God still cares.  Those who may have given up their virginity may choose, with God’s grace, to live in chastity.

There’s a lot more to guiding our children as they grow physically than just making sure their shoes fit.

II

BY GOD'S GRACE WE CAN GUIDE

 OUR CHILDREN IN THEIR

INTELLECTUAL GROWTH.

This can be a challenge.  Johnny brought home a note from his teacher.  It said, “Dear Mrs. Jones, Johnny is a bright boy but lately his homework assignments do not demonstrate this.  After talking with Johnny, I believe I have discovered the problem.  Please ask Mr. Jones to stop helping him.”

The one story of Jesus’ childhood that Luke includes in his gospel gives us some insight into Jesus’ upbringing.   According to the story the young Jesus became involved in a discussion with some of the teachers at the temple.  Were told that he was “discussing deep questions with them and amazing everyone with his understanding and answers.”

Alfred Edersheim says that part of the amazement may have been caused because a boy of Jesus’ age had usually not been introduced to the deeper issues of Judaism.  That would come later.  Obviously, Jesus thirst for knowledge was strong.

As parents we’re encourage to instill such a thirst in our children.

1.  A child needs diversity in learning experiences.

Formal education attempts this, but it is limited.  You must be willing to help your child toward a greater breadth of understanding. You can do this through travel if you can afford it.  You can give your child diverse learning experiences through the books you keep around the house, the magazines you buy.

Of course, it doesn’t always demand you spend a lot of money.  Most communities have public libraries where new books are readily available.  Some communities have museums and some of these have days when children and parents are admitted free or at a reduced rate.

2.  A child needs depth in learning experiences.

A world of complex problems will not be satisfied with simple answers.  Help your child learn to look below the surface of an issue.   Do that and you may help lay the foundation for lifelong learning.

3.  A child needs discernment in learning experience.

This is the most important aspect of intellectual growth.  I couldn’t help my sons with algebra or trig, but I hope I helped them in other ways.  Like many of you, I hope I’ve helped them be wise and discerning.

Allan Bloom wrote that this is a lost vision for many parents. He says, “Fathers and mothers have lost the idea that the highest aspiration they might have for their children is for them to be wise…specialized competence and success are all they can imagine.”

What would such wisdom look like? 

Here are some key matters for you to consider:

Have we taught our children need how to think critically about the world and conflicting calls for allegiance they encounter?

 Does your child know how to spot faulty logic?  Have you ever explained to your child that even textbook writers can have axes to grind, prejudices which cause them to look the other way when certain facts present themselves? 

Have you taught your child that the terms "modern," "popular," "accepted", and "new" are not synonyms for "correct"?

Have you taught your child that it is better to stand alone for the truth, than to stand elbow to elbow with those embracing a lie?

In taking a stand for the truth, has your child learned it is better to lose in a cause that will ultimately win, than win in a cause that will ultimately lose?[1]

Only you can teach your child discernment.  As you do this, remember this. From among the children in our churches today the Christians thinkers of the next generation will arise.

III

BY GOD'S GRACE WE CAN

GUIDE OUR CHILDREN

IN THEIR SOCIAL GROWTH.

I’m not surprised that the young man Jesus was popular.  He must have embodied compassion, joy, and kindness.  He certainly disproved the notion that being popular and moral compromise must go hand in hand.

Much of childhood is spent developing skills in socialization.  As parents you have a role in this process.  You can’t always choose your child’s friends, but you can help to shape the kind of friend your child is.

1.  The socially healthy child has the strength of convictions.

Without convictions our children are in jeopardy.  A farmer whose farm became site of battle in Civil War thought he would be safe if he put on a blue jacket and gray pants.  Both sides shot at him.

The power of peer pressure can threaten Christian witness.  Max Hickerson:  "The lions showed no interest in Daniel.  Why should they?  After all, he was all backbone and grit."

2.  A socially healthy child has a spirit of cooperation.

We joke about the report cards which say “plays well with others” but what would ever be accomplished if we didn’t know how to cooperate?

Our dog Copper stayed at a kennel for a while and came home with one of those report cards that said she played well with others.  I know better.  Copper is a Corgi; they don’t play with others, they herd.  Those folks just thought she was playing tag. 

Unlike the typical corgi, the socially healthy child is undisturbed by being a follower rather than the leader.  There must have been times when Jesus, the one by whom the world were made, listened quietly to Joseph or another carpenter to learn how to build something.

Help your child learn how to cooperate and you will teach them a valuable lesson.

3.  A socially healthy child has the sensitivity of compassion.

That child is a caring friend.  As a consequence, that child is a welcome friend.

For most of these traits, we parents teach best by being models.

IV

BY THE GOD'S GRACE WE

CAN GUIDE OUR CHILDREN

IN THEIR SPIRITUAL GROWTH.

1.  We need to help our children grow in their spiritual relationships.

The most important relationship your child can have is not with you, it is with God.

Many parents are failing to foster that relationship.

            Somehow we have come to believe our children will grow into a relationship with God naturally.  The Christian doctrine of sin teaches that the most "natural" thing to happen is for our children to grow away from God.

            Somehow we have come to believe any attempt to evangelize our children would be indoctrinating them.  There are already forces at work trying to indoctrinate them to worldviews that do not acknowledge God;  if you wait long enough your postponed words for Christ may not get through to your child.

            Somehow we've come to believe we shouldn't try to influence them but let our children make up their own minds about these matters.    Can you tell me one other issue we approach in that way?  School, smoking, sleep.

            Somehow we've come to believe we should leave this important matter to the pastor or Sunday school teacher.  I may have a larger theological vocabulary than yours, but can I have more influence on your children than you?  And even the most devoted SS teacher has only an hour's influence per week.

            Somehow we've come to believe we have plenty of time to talk to our children about these matters.  There comes a time, often before we expect it, when our influence on our children diminishes greatly, you can't always be sure your child will hear you when you speak on Christ's behalf. 

Let me make you this promise:  As you speak to your child on Christ's behalf, you can expect the help of the Spirit within you.

Before this service is over, decide on a time and place you will speak to your child about their all-important relationship with God.

If you need help in knowing how, we'll find you help.

Apart from God himself, no one has your child's best interests at heart more than you.

Speak to your child in faith and in love.

2.  We need to help our children grow in their spiritual responsibilities.

Some of you have children who have already trusted Christ and have been baptized.  Are you helping them to become active Christians?  There are already too many nominal Christians,  don't let your child become one.

Our youth are not church of tomorrow, but church of today.  We need their witness, their prayers, their labor.

We need them to be not just active but authentic Christians.  Show them God is real in your life, let them know God wants to be real in their lives.

CONCLUSION

The musical Fiddler on the Roof tells of a Jewish family's live in a small village in Eastern Europe.  A father reflects on how rapidly his children have grown.

Sunrise, sunset, swiftly go the days,

I don't remember growing older,

when did they?

1.  Every parent--except for the very newest--has felt that way.

2.  Those parents who share a Christian perspective on life realize that parenthood is a stewardship.  We are given our children to take care of for a little while.

3.  A Christian parent is not simply a parent who is a Christian, but a parent whose every area of life is permeated by faith in Christ,  parents who realize the job can be done only by the grace of God working through them.

Parents, are you depending on God's grace to enable you to help your children grow as Christ grew?

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[1] The phrase, as I recall, comes from Peter Marshall (1902-1949), preacher and chaplain of the US Senate.